Sex and the “Friend Zone”

I have met many women who put guy friends–the ones that actually treat them well, listen, and are able to sustain a conversation beyond “Get me a beer” or “Can I come on your tits?”–in the dreaded “Friend Zone”.  What kind of bull-fuck is that?

“I just don’t feel that way about you.”  Us guys have all been there.  The Friend Zone sucks so bad it makes many decent guys want to behave like assholes around women just to get close to them, while other guys on the back burner have their balls melted off.

If you are going to have any type of long term relationship with anyone, it helps to be friends.  So why do women do this?

Because of the “romance” novel culture, which is really a slut novel culture, where the main character fucks the good guy, the bad guy, the really bad guy, and all their friends–in search of love and STIs.

Many women want to be “swept off their feet”, which means lacking control–being submissive–literally picked up and carried off.  They want a “real man” that essentially rapes them with their consent.  It is what Robert Jensen calls the “rape culture” in his book Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity.

Our culture teaches us to find our comfort and happiness in material wealth and institutional power structures–things that are out of our control.  Imagine the world and our political system if we placed trust or honesty or even intimacy ahead of conquest and “getting”.  Imagine your own life if you foccussed on the emotional level instead of the physical/material level.

Sure an intense quicky is fun once in a while, but does it really compare to hours of intimate sex?  If you think so–then you have never had intimate sex.

It starts with a gentle and innocent touch, yet the desire is unmistakable.  The touch becomes a caress (based on Latin carus ‘dear’).  He pulls you in–his kiss pulls you deeper.  By the time you can feel his breath on your labia, only the slightest brush will send you over the edge.  Starting slow leaves room for the passion to grow.

Sex is like an analogy of a relationship.  Relationships have stages.  If you take away the former, the latter can not exist.  First is meeting, respect, friendship, trust, intimacy, then love.

Sex is part of intimacy.  You can’t start there and expect to go back and work on trust, friendship and respect later.  I think we have all at least seen a movie where two people, after a one night stand, are embarrassed to be nude and uncomfortable cuddling.  Is this preferable to your trusted and loved friend?  Perhaps you are not friends at all…

Maybe I’m not the “real man” you have been taught to want, but just like Forrest Gump “I know what love is.”

Some great related links from readers:


3 responses to “Sex and the “Friend Zone”

  1. no – it’s because women continue to look for happiness outside of themselves. If they didn’t the nonsense of the “sweeping off feet” would end – because it would no longer be about “needing” a man – how sad – but wanting a relationship of intimacy. It’s fearing to live. As long as you look outside yourself you give up your freedom to be. My 2cents.

  2. Yeegods Dan, I am humbled by your wisdom and eloquence. Sincerely. You should be a writer and philosopher; I think you already are. The media spun and culturally reinforced standards of romance and relationships have eroded what truly is of value.

    Maybe we two are dinosaurs but we can stand for kindness, respect, honour and goodness and have that reflected in what we say and what we do, and our relationships.

    Rebels with a cause . It would be a better world.

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